yesterday

going back to the phone call from kenley...

i called michelle and asked her about her cocaine usage.
first she denyed it, then said "oh well its only sometimes".
i knew she was lying.
she is spiraling downwards faster than ive seen anyone go before.
she used to just smoke weed, and drink. Then it was E, and now cocaine.
she's constantly getting in trouble with her parents and now she's trying to drag my other friends into it.
i told her straight up on the phone- "you need to cut it out".
i got hung up on.
She's the kind of person who doesn't give a crap about anyone but herself.
That's how i got in this middle-of-nowhere town.
I used to be very rebellious. i wouldnt come home when my parents asked, instead i'd go party and come home wasted. One night michelle decided we should all get out. well i was grounded and they all has excuses they told their parents so they could go. of course, she volunteered me to sneak out. so i did. only to be with this guy i liked.
well about an hour after i got out we started getting phone calls. My parents had realized i was gone and they were looking for me. they were threatening to call the cops unless i came home but i got scared. so being the idiot i was, i just didnt go. There were 6 of us all together, including me. we drove down the coast to this foresty town where we knew they'd never look for us, and ended up spending the night in a hollowed out tree. The guy i liked (lets call him douchfucker) and i went back to the car to hookup. i was really out of it and falling asleep. and he ended up pretty much raping me. it's not like i said no, but i was asleep, and if i'm not able to say yes, then he shouldnt have toutched me.
Later that morning we went home and the next week i was sent far away to goldhoe's land to live with my best friend. But it's not even that bad here.
i actually like it and im glad i'm away from her influences. i'm not saying it was all her fault, i made the decision in the end to sneak out and not go home. But ever since i had started hanging out with her, i started getting in trouble.
anyway,

I came back for about two months to visit some friends and i saw douchfucker on the beach. he was wasted and tried to hookup with me again. when i said no he screamed at me "you fucking tease!" and ran down the beach to my friend laurie. He shoved himself on her and started mouth-raping her, then stopped and ran away. that was the last time i saw him.
why are guys so lame?
they try so hard to get the girl and in the end they don't care about them at all. i think theres only one guy i trust out there. he's my best friend Jake.
snd i'm sure he would even try to get in my pants if i let him.
thats what all guys want, right?

well that was extremely long and all over the place. i know i didn't stick to one story like but i had alot to say in a short amount of time.
i'm off work today so i think i'm going to take a walk.
lots of love :)